God’s Clothesline – a caregiver’s prayer

Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. As I was dressing to head out for a meeting with my personal confessor, I got a text from a dear friend that started out

No candy coating…

…and went on to explain some tough news that was not candy coated, that was gloves-off, here’s the facts as we know right now.

Some days and with some friends and caregivers we need that: don’t hemm and haww around the thing, just say it: get it out in the air so that we can start working on whatever it is we need to do to move to the next step in our adventure of life.

My friend is a medical person and I know all the $5 Doctor words from my own experience, so we were able to spend a half hour or so in Grown Up Mode (urgh!) doing a brain dump of facts and ideas.

And me asking questions.

I prefaced my hard medical questions by saying, I’m just throwing out some factual stuff here, I’m not trying some sort of Make A Deal With God plea. I also apologized for being so religious in my first reaction. It’s my job. And I know it so well even through the adventures of Chemo Brain that it’s my go-to.

Being a grown up takes a lot of energy, so I’m glad that my friend and I don’t have to do that for very long, and we can segue from there to a lighter, less dictionary-like conversation. From there, I begged off and rushed over to Chapel Hill to the church and my previously-scheduled meeting. We spent two lovely and inspiring hours together just talking – a lot of catching up, and a lot of talk about meditation, prayer, and grace. And it was a conversation that I needed to have in the middle of that day.

While I was (barely) driving home in the pm rush around the two cities, a single line of a prayer started noddling around in my head. I kept repeating the thought so I’d not forget it by the time I got home, and there, I parked the car, pulled up a notepad, and finished composing the prayer.

It was such a beautiful sunny day, and we have a family of bunnies in our yard this year (who knew! in the middle of our urban sort of city we are a haven for cottontail rabbits!) So the end of the prayer came out much more pleasant than the beginning.

It reads a bit like some of the low-key psalms, about what it feels like to be a care giver at the end of a long day. It asks The Maker to “make us right again” for the next day, in the way that only the creator of our universe can. This prayer is for those days you are just tired, spiritually exhausted, and feel totally wrung out, yet you know that tomorrow, you’ll get up and do it all again.

Keep the faith!

 

 

—– God’s Clothesline – A Prayer —–

Lord,

Today I’m just a wrung-out rag.
Dunked in the dirty water, squeezed out
and left in a lump
to get dry and hard,
molded in the shape in which I was dropped.

Lord,

You control
the clouds and the air,
the seas and the land,
the darkness and the light.

Pick me up from my dirty, soggy lump,
lay me out flat across your great clothesline,
send the sunshine and the breeze
so that I’m cleaned white as snow
in your gentle, sunny day.

Clean me and make me fresh so that I may be used again,
always for Your Name’s sake.

 – Amen

 

 

Afraid to Grow Up?

(Our Father,)
When familiar surroundings fade, strengthen my wings of faith.
Help me to accept the need to grow and mature.
 ( – Amen)

“In the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me.” (Psalm 27:5)

Keep the faith!